Tesla not too long ago sought shareholder approval to revive Elon Musk’s $56 billion pay bundle, which was rejected by a Delaware decide. The Onion requested Tesla followers to clarify why Elon Musk deserves the $56 billion payout.
Paul Suchecki, Paralegal
“If the inventor of the auto doesn’t deserve $56 billion, who does?”
Tyrone Jackson, Brewmaster
“Therapies for no matter makes him like which can be most likely fairly costly.”
Miguel Santos, Cybersecurity Analyst
“I’m unsure why he deserves it, however my Neuralink implant is telling me to maintain killing till he will get it.”
Greg Ipser, Pc Programmer
“Ignoring, verbally abusing, and publicly disowning his 10 youngsters is dearer than you assume.”
Glenn Morris, Actual Property Agent
“He can use it to purchase garments that match.”
Leo Waltham, Lab Tech
“If we don’t give him $56 billion, how is he purported to waste $56 billion?”
Rosemary Jacobson, Delaware Tourism Board
“In any other case he might maintain a grudge towards the state of Delaware and miss out on our many scenic bike trails and tax-free purchasing excursions.”
Lena Wong, Architect
“It’s gotta be agonizing solely having $175 billion within the financial institution. What if he has a medical emergency? What if he will get laid off?”
Luca Rossi, Catastrophe Restoration Specialist
“No matter makes him shut up for a short time.”
Scott Robinson, Unemployed
“After baby help, he’d nonetheless have, like, $20 to spend on one thing enjoyable.”
Nolan Mercer, Scholar
“Who else are you going to provide all that cash to? The employees?”
Elijah Carter, Environmental Scientist
“He simply appears so unhappy in all the photographs. Perhaps this may cheer him up?”
Byron Clark, Psychologist
“I’m fairly positive his birthday is arising quickly.”
Daniel Inexperienced, Pastry Chef
“The worth of ketamine has gone up lots not too long ago.”
Ryan Baker, Skilled Organizer
“The earlier he will get that $56 billion, the earlier he can die on an ill-fated journey to Mars.”
Sasha Kastelman, Ph.D. Scholar
“I wish to see him withdraw that a lot cash in money, mild it on hearth along with his flamethrower, and yell, ‘Booya!’”
Claudia Reichardt, Tesla Worker
“Extra baby help for me!”
Malik Crawford, Cruise Ship Entertainer
“Look, should you’re caught speaking to a coked-out Elon, you’d pay something to go away the dialog.”
George Ruiz, Fish Culturist
“His final $56 billion was in a type of autopiloted Teslas that drove itself off the street.”
