LINCOLN, NE—Warning that crime among the many nation’s youth was spiraling uncontrolled, legislation enforcement officers informed reporters Thursday that lots of of teenage shoplifters had gotten their arms on Nebraska and managed to run off with your complete state. “Final night time, a big group of teenagers loitering close to the Iowa border crossed into Nebraska and proceeded to steal all 49 million acres of the Cornhusker State,” mentioned Col. John A. Bolduc, superintendent of the Nebraska State Patrol, including that the suspects, who ranged in age from 13 to 17, had entered by means of Omaha and, inside 30 seconds, smashed and grabbed billions of {dollars}’ price of land, loaded it into their vehicles, and sped away. “Safety footage obtained from storefronts and suburban properties exhibits the theft of Nebraska started at roughly 12:03 a.m. and suggests it didn’t take lengthy for the shoplifters to fill their automobiles with each metropolis, city, farm, and discipline between the Missouri River and Wyoming. As well as, the perpetrators pilfered all 2 million of our state’s residents, amongst them your complete membership of the Nebraska Nationwide Guard. Sadly, this meant there was nobody to cease these delinquents as they hopped onto U.S. Route 30 and drove off with a major proportion of America’s Nice Plains.” At press time, Bolduc mentioned authorities had positioned and apprehended the teenage suspects after discovering an inventory on Fb Market that requested $300 for a “massive, largely empty Midwestern state.”
