25.7 C
New York
Sunday, July 21, 2024

Valentines Jokes & One Liners

Valentines jokes that’ll ease your freeze in the event you obtained no squeeze. Humorous Valentines Day quotes that’ll show you how to seize the day of cupid with humor.

Go away your personal Valentine Humor within the Remark field.

Humorous Valentine Quotes
Group 1

Valentines Jokes: Four-line poem by Yip Harburg: Oh innocent victims of Cupid, remember this terse little verse, to let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss for you is worse.

I obtained a Valentine’s Day card from my lady. It stated, ‘Take my coronary heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is rather like her. Preserving one of the best half for herself.
– Robert Orben

On this Valentine’s Day I’d similar to to say I wouldn’t commerce you for something. (In fact, no person’s made a suggestion…)
– Melanie White

Hallmark is popping out with a brand new card for guys who overlook Valentine’s Day. The cardboard is small and gold and maxes out at ten grand.
– Craig Kilborn

I wished to make it actually particular on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for 3 stable hours I watched no matter I wished on TV.
– Tracy Smith

Valentines Jokes
One Liners, Group 2

How acceptable for my love life that this yr Valentines Day falls on Ash Wednesday.
– John Lyons

It’s vital to inform everybody you assume Valentine’s Day is only a dumb, made up vacation. Versus the entire different holidays, discovered naturally occurring within the wild.
– MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0

Valentines Day Sweet. Ask your self: is it definitely worth the weight?
– Nameless

Significantly? A Valentine’s Day current? You continue to haven’t used the mop I obtained you for Christmas!
– Rick Aaron @RickAaron

I do not perceive why Cupid was chosen to characterize Valentines Day. Once I take into consideration romance, the very last thing on my thoughts is a brief, chubby toddler coming at me with a medieval weapon.
– Nameless

Stopping to select up some flowers for my spouse on the best way house from work. “Siri, Discover closest cemetery.”
– Rick Aaron @RickAaron

Valentines Jokes:
One Liners, Group 3

Funny love quote: "Love is the only game not called on account of darkness."
Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

The Tremendous Bowl is man’s method of balancing out Valentine’s Day.
– Jason Love

Valentine’s Day is when plenty of married persons are reminded what poor intention Cupid has.
– Nameless

Valentines Day: the vacation that reminds you that if you do not have a particular somebody, you are alone.
– Lewis Black

Valentine’s Day thought: go bar hopping and faux a proposal in every place so folks purchase us drinks all night time and we get drunk without cost
– hayden hintz @haydenhintz

Immediately is Valentine’s Day – or, as males prefer to name it, Extortion Day.
– Jay Leno

I saved $200 on Valentine’s Day by being unlovable.
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

Valentines Day
Sayings, Group 4

I’d kiss a frog even when there was no promise of a Prince Charming coming out of it. I like frogs.
– Cameron Diaz

Fellas, it doesn’t matter what you hear on the radio over one million occasions this week, roses dipped in gold will not be a great Valentine’s Day present.
– Man Endore-Kaiser

As soon as once more, my Valentine’s Eve caroling was not well-received by the neighbors.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder

Males: You WILL undergo the Valentine’s Day Industrial Advanced.
– Dave Barry @rayadverb

A Married Valentines Poem: 
Roses are purple 
And prepared for plucking 
Once I get house 
We’ll be doing one thing romantic cuz you deserve it honey.
– Aristotles @AristotlesNZ

I don’t assume my spouse realizes that the FREE SEX coupons I gave her final Valentine’s Day are about to run out.
– Chad Learn @squirrel74wkgn

Valentines Jokes:
One Liners, Group

This in all probability goes with out saying however:
Roses are purple
Puppies love hugs
I am gonna do you
Like Lohan does medication
could be a horrible Valentine card.
– prontopup @prontopup

Bear in mind, nothing says “I Love you” on Valentine’s Day like a Weasel in a Sack™ from Lyon’s Weasel Farms. [Not responsible for injuries.]
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets

If solely they did Valentines playing cards that stated ‘You are good for a yr’ with a countdown clock on the entrance.
– Daniel Sloss @Daniel_Sloss

My spouse would not wish to go to Hooters for Valentine’s Day, so it seems like it’s going to simply be me.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder

He beloved his girlfriend. She was just like the sq. root of minus one – mysterious, wanted by thousands and thousands…..and imaginary.
– 50 Nerds of Gray @50NerdsofGrey

My diabetic girlfriend would not even respect me saving her life by consuming all this Valentine’s chocolate I purchased her
– Terry F @daemonic3

Valentines Jokes:
One Liners, Group

Henny Youngman photo and Funny Quote: "You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."

For those who stand quietly and shut your
eyes within the greeting card aisle the day earlier than Valentine’s Day, you may
hear the sound of pure desperation.

– Charles Lake @mesealake

Her: Do you might have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Me: I do. It is February 14th.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder

Valentines Day Excuse #11:
“Sorry I forgot, Honey. I used to be utilizing the Mayan calendar.”

Valentine’s Day, bear in mind: the one really painless method out of a relationship is to be the primary to die.
– from a cartoon by BizarroComics.com

Valentines Day money-saving tip: break up on February thirteenth, get again collectively on the fifteenth.
– David Letterman

Right here’s to a VD free VD!
– Nameless

"Analog Brain In A Digital World" by Greg Tamblyn, CD Cover. Includes image of cell phone screen watching Greg talking on 100 year old wall phone.

Humorous Relationship Music:
“Frequent Aspect Results Embrace”

Award-Profitable Comedy Music about relationship and relationships.

Pay attention Right here For Free

(Opens in new window, at my leisure web site. – Greg)

Take pleasure in!

Extra Valentines enjoyable? Attempt these:

Greatest Valentines Day Jokes Poems

Humorous Marriage Quotes

Cute Love Sayings

Humorous Love Sayings

Or again from “Valentines Jokes” to “Anniversary Jokes”

Or  again to the Dwelling Web page: “Humorous Jokes, Humorous Quotes, Humorous Sayings”

Related Articles


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

Latest Articles