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Thursday, July 25, 2024

Funniest eightieth Birthday Jokes

eightieth birthday jokes that’ll make you giggle like a child. Turning 80 is one thing to joke about, so right here’s some hilarious stuff that will help you hit the excessive notes. Heck, the jokes and humorous quotes on this web page would possibly even make you snigger your “years” off. Cheers!

80th birthday jokes funny banner that reads: "Older people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get."

eightieth Birthday Jokes: One Liners

Jack turns 80 as we speak. Now he can spend his days consuming, snoozing, and looking for the stuff he had only a few minutes in the past.

How do you get a candy little 80 yr outdated woman to say the f-word?
Get one other candy little 80 yr outdated woman to yell BINGO!

Statistical research show that on the age of 80, there are 4 females for each male.
Hell of a time for a man to get odds like that.

Turning 80 and eager about what tattoo to get? You would possibly wish to take into account your title and handle…

By the point my mother turned 80 she was leaving little post-it notes to herself everywhere in the home, and questioning who they had been from.

eightieth Birthday Jokes:
Extra One Liners

I acquired an iPad for my 80 birthday. It’s the big print model of an iTouch.

At 80 years outdated your bones get softer, however your arteries get more durable, so it balances out.

Turning 80 means your favourite romantic track might be now a laxative industrial.

You new theme track is “I’ve Bought Boobs In Low Locations.”

80 years outdated is if you inform any person, “I have to be dropping my reminiscence” they usually say, “I do know, you informed me yesterday.”

Birthday Tip: If you go to the Well being and Security class on the Senior Heart, they usually ask you what steps you’d take within the occasion of a hearth, “Actually Massive Ones” is the flawed reply.

By the point you are eighty years outdated you’ve got discovered all the things. You solely have to recollect it.
– Invoice Vaughan

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eightieth Birthday Jokes:
“Physician’s Orders”

An 80 yr outdated man goes to the physician along with his spouse.

After the examination, the doctor pulls the spouse apart, and says, “I am afraid your husband has a complicated stress dysfunction. He’ll die very quickly except you do precisely as I let you know: 

  • All the time be candy and nice.
  • Every morning, repair his favourite breakfast.
  • Put together scrumptious, wholesome meals and snacks.
  • Encourage him to nap each time he needs.
  • Do not let him do any chores.
  • By no means nag him about something.
  • Give him common massages.
  • Make love at the very least twice per week.

Maintain this up for a yr, and he’ll return to a state of near-perfect well being for his age.”

Later within the automobile, the husband asks his spouse what the physician informed her.

She replies, “Honey, he stated you’re going to die quickly.”

At Eighty:

You put on your pants so excessive that you simply’ve minimize holes within the crotch to see by means of.

You recognize all the things, however no one asks you.

You continue to learn the print version of the newspaper, and what you want greatest is “Forty Years In the past At the moment…”

You inform your nice grandkids that if you had been their age, going to the films price lower than a pack of gum as we speak.

You not chew gum due to what it does to your dentures.

You’ve at all times wished to shoot your age at golf, however you at all times shoot your weight.

You’re turning into very keen on barbershop quartet music.

It doesn’t matter the place your partner goes, simply so long as he/she will be able to discover their means again.

You’re feeling sure your anti-wrinkle lotions actually work.

You’re not aged, you’re “chronologically gifted.”

eightieth Birthday Jokes:
“Visiting Grandma”

A younger man’s grandmother was turning 80 and had moved into a brand new apartment. He wished to drop by, see her new place, and want her joyful birthday.

He referred to as her and she or he instructed him as follows:

“Park in entrance of the constructing and are available to the principle door. You may see a giant panel on the correct. Together with your elbow, push button 115. I will hit the buzzer and I will allow you to in. Stroll inside and switch proper for the elevator. Get in, and together with your elbow press quantity 115. Stroll out of the elevator and switch left. Come down the corridor to 115 and ring my doorbell together with your elbow.”

“Grandmother,” he says. “That is straightforward sufficient, however why the heck am I pushing all these buttons with my elbow?”

“What?” she replies. “You are coming empty handed?”

eightieth Birthday Jokes:
Humorous Quotes

Nothing is extra answerable for the nice outdated days than a foul reminiscence.
– Franklin Pierce Adams

I am nonetheless chasing ladies. I do not keep in mind what for, however I am nonetheless chasing them.
– Joe E. Lewis

After I was youthful, I might keep in mind something, whether or not it occurred or not, however I get outdated, and shortly I shall keep in mind solely the latter.
– Mark Twain

Older individuals should not eat well being meals, they want all of the preservatives they’ll get.
– Robert Orben

All the time be good to your youngsters as a result of they’re those who will select your relaxation residence.
– Phyllis Diller

Photo of doctor and patient in hospital just after surgery. Caption: "The best part of cataract surgery: Getting to wear a cap like your doctor."

eightieth Birthday Jokes:
“Sand Traps”

A girl turned 80 years outdated. She was an avid golfer, so she determined to maneuver to Florida and be part of a rustic membership.

On her first day at her new membership, she was informed that there wasn’t anyone else accessible for a recreation simply then.

Seeing her disappointment, and eager to make her really feel welcome, the feminine assistant professional provided to play along with her, and requested her what number of strokes she wished for a wager. 

The older lady stated, “I do not suppose I would like any strokes, I have been taking part in nice these days. I simply have a heck of a time getting out of sand traps.”

True to her phrase, the 80 yr outdated performed fantastically. After they got here to the par 4 18th, she and the professional had been all even.

The professional hit a stunning tee shot, knocked her subsequent one on the inexperienced, and two-putted for par. The older woman hit an awesome drive, however her second shot landed in a steep-sided bunker subsequent to the inexperienced.

Taking part in from the sand, she lofted a excessive, smooth shot. It got here down just a few toes from the cup and rolled in for a birdie, profitable her the match and all the cash.

The 80 yr outdated was nonetheless standing within the entice when the professional walked over and stated, “Stunning shot! I believed you stated you had an issue getting out of traps?”

“I actually do,” the 80 yr outdated replied. “Would you thoughts giving me a hand?”

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Extra jokes like this? Attempt these:

Clear Humorous Senior Citizen Jokes

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Humorous Retirement Quotes

Extra Retirement Jokes

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